“my truth was taken. my truth grew anew.”

“my truth was taken. my truth grew anew.”


i saw the light, too, my friend.  it was bright and came about in the night and i wondered what it was.  at first i marveled at its sight! and then i became afraid and got my black gun and loaded it.  i told my family to lock themselves in the bedroom and i would go out to see what had become among our sunless night.  i walked the streets until the trails and the trails through the hills until my feet were against the sides of more hills and shrubs along with weeds and trees.  i trudged along with my gun as a soldier for my family.  i was valiant in those hills that night!  i carried with me the spirit of Che in the Maestra.  and from one sole hill i stood and watched a ship in the sky and i knew the time to die may just come.  but i wouldn’t fight just yet and no i would not run, either.  i watched and i saw things which i now find hard to speak of.  these things made / make me so sad.  i saw politicians and famous ones, all under the ship of the sky.  they were sending messages to and from and i did not know why.  i drew a bead on a head and followed it along ready to pull the trigger and kill a human being.  i had no qualms over doing so… they took malcolm from me, they took martin from me! and oh, my gandhi, why did it have to end like that? i slouched with my gun and cried tears of russian blood upon california soil.


the day was supposed to come but it never did.  i thought of my family back home, locked in a room, all because of fear.  i dried my clotted eyes and adjusted my rifle as i sat on the ground still gazing at this ship and the well-knowns beneath it.  rage had become inside of me!  i did not truly understand what was going on… all my life i’d been told things and if what i was seeing was true then what i’d been told all my life would be lies which means my life in itself would be a lie; and i did not want to cry anymore in this endless night of sabbath. i wanted to be home but i had been taken from my home by an act of service to the cosmos and the loyalty to my family.  it was time to march down the hill and confront these folks.


i had no army, i was a lone guerrilla upon a land which i now realized was never my home, just a temporary moment of jaded hope; now dust, ashes, blasphemous smoke.  “Tell me of your business, compadre.” i demanded from one man.  he looked at me, did not speak, and then turned his cheek to me, still sending and receiving messages to and from this sky ship; “what a mind trip” i thought as my insides began to rot.  “keep them oppressed, this is the way it has always been and this is the way it will always be.  for this is ‘gospel’, can’t you see?” the celebrity took the written word in as gospel and then threw la nota into el fuego and walked away with serenity and determination but i did not want to believe what my eyes did see!  my gun slung from my back; i wished i could have turned back.  “tell me what you see!” i demanded of one man.  he looked at me, did not speak, and then turned his cheek.  I saw a list of names.  names of people who in our future would come to the fore for the people us common ones love and then they would be killed in a certain way.  i could only think of Socrates.


the ship left but dawn did not come.  the crowd had gone, no one had cared for a guerrilla standing there for so long; my face in this dark new night day was long; the barrel of my rifle long but cold, perhaps i should have shot. because as i read ahead and ahead from all these half burnt notes i saw so many things.

“do not help the low man, let him struggle.” “do not share wealth for the lord has bequeathed you wealth for a reason, hold onto it!” all i could think of was Shays Rebellion.  “explore new frontiers and you will persevere.” all i could think of was Columbus and Hispaniola.  “Kill the man who stands from a crowd of sitting pupils.” “keep them in fear to keep ‘our’ secrets.” “give them the illusion of ownership.” “give them the illusion of liberty.” “give them the illusion of opportunity.” “tell them promises for they believe promises to be something de verdad.” my eyes cried as i thought of the natives who stood on the very ground i stood;  my eyes could see so much when they were closed;  the blood saturated the ground, a peaceful tribe struck down, one by one! hundreds to thousands would all die….. just trying to protect their family, way of life, their liberty.


i knew then truth was in itself not true.  and so all the laws made by and for promises were created by a species so fallible they couldn’t be trusted any more than a lion.  but how could i explain this truth to my family when truth existed no more? my gun slung, my head hung, i walked back up the hill i had once marched down.  and through the hills to the trails until i hit the streets… no man or woman to be seen.  my front door did not look the same as it did before, to me.  i opened the front door and laid my rifle down for the first time in i cannot recall how long at all.  i unlocked the door to the room where my family was hiding and invited them out.  we hugged, embraced, and now i faced telling them of the truthless truth.  i watched them sit and lay… they were so tired and asking where in the world had day gone?  looking outside i still saw the night yet the sight of the light from the ship in the sky had gone.  my rifle sparkled to me from its resting place.  i felt anger, i felt hate, my godless god i was so saddened.  and i looked to my family in the living room and then i saw light.  i felt warmth, coming from their eyes.  i sat in silence before i said, “everything is going to be alright.”  they asked what i had seen and i told them it must have been a simple something… perhaps another test by the American D.O.D.  and they looked to me and i felt warmth.  I asked my daughter what a promise was, she replied “truth.”  and then i knew, if i was yellow, she was my blue.  my wife closed her eyes with serenity, my son hugged my leg and i put my hand on his warm head, his soft innocent hair.  the first new dawn began to come.  My family went back into the room and all fell asleep together.  i slung my gun across my back and walked  into the back of my yard and looked into the sky.  “you can take your truths and misconstrue them forever.  you can plan to take down the good man in the name of what i call evil. but i know as long as man exists, love will exist. and as long as love exists then good will exist.  so if you can never kill man you can never kill love, and therefore you can never kill the spirit… of the good.” and i thought quietly to myself, and whispered softly to the cosmos, “Venceremos.”


i went back into the house.  from that day on i never went too far from my gun.  i was tainted, stained more than Pollock’s shoes.  i was lost, but love was my northern star. and i lived long, and i died beside my family, my truth.


-andrew spearman blake


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