Mushroom Beings – vs – Green Slime Beings
by José Rodeiro & Gabriel Navar
As night softly fell on Nigeria, a thin slice of silver-white moon spoke with three stars forming a radiant circle that glistened above Africa’s orange-&-violet-horizon. This celestial conversation went on uninterrupted; despite the fact that few Africans along the beach-filled “Gold Coast” knew that far far away in California’s rocky “Gold Coast” Bay Area, an extraterrestrial attack had commenced the night before led by whirling hordes of silvery, hovering, and swirling fat (“yet sleek”) metallic disks, which chaotically wisped in hummingbird pirouettes, landing here and there, disembarking scores of emerald-skinned weird-beings: flying and leaping rubbery slime-green space creatures. Their silver ships flew down, placing them on the ground around Oakland’s Lake Merritt tidal lagoon, where they ran around, climbing trees and rooftop, chaotically stealing everything shiny, flashy, or electrical; especially flatscreen TVs, and other appliances or electronic devices, especially items with elegant apple-silhouettes symmetrically imprinted. Nor did any Nigerians in their urban glass-&-steel skyscrapers or in their rural thatch-roofed grass-huts know that the entire US Southwest [(from the Rio Grande, (Texas); Roswell, (New Mexico); Phoenix, (Arizona) all the way to San Diego, (California)] was under a massive assault from beings and machines descending to Earth from Outer Space.
According to US TV (especially CNN, MS-NBC, & FOX) and Bloomberg Radio accounts, twenty-four hours had passed since the first US Pacific Coast attacks. Forlornly, the US Military tried to fight the foreign space-invaders with conventional weapons (missiles, helicopter-gunship rockets, tanks, flamethrowers and poison-gas), but, sadly, to no avail. Although, amazingly, a glimmer of hope existed because, a few brave bands migrant Chicanos were occasionally successful in beating back the extraterrestrial aliens (causing them to retreat back to their spaceships) using only rare and unconventional weapons (brooms, gardening-tools, baseball bats, fists, stick-ball sticks, nailguns, 38-specials, vacuum-cleaners, pool-sticks and clubs; but, it was so difficult for these courageous brown-skin-people to help defend the USA, because a few years ago several foolish and shortsighted rightwing ethno-racists politicians (who, we now know, were secretly alien-extraterrestrials disguised as politicians) in several Southwest legislatures and statehouses, apparently fostering all the “hatred,” “jealousy,” or “fear” that greeted all Hispanics in the USA, as well as mischievously wasting their constituents’ tax-revenues on miles-and-miles-and-miles of weird, meaningless, obtrusive and “wall-like” 15 foot high chainlink or steelrod fencing topped with barbwire, which sadly ran for miles-and-miles absurdly blocking the energetic, heroic, and brave brown people’s paths, as they valiantly tried to provide assistance, succor, and resistance against the determined swift-limbed, long-limbed green-aliens from a faraway galaxy —- other Kripkean parallel or un-parallel worlds.
Yet, oddly enough; the invading green slime beings were only attacking the Earth, because they were looking for a staging area for their ongoing “real” or “genuine” war with other technologically-advanced and powerful extraterrestrials known as the gray globular Mushroom Beings, who also (along with blue green-slime-beings) were clashing in a fierce intergalactic battle that had already lasted several millenniums; since both the “Mushroom Beings” and their hated adversaries (rivals) the “Green Slime Beings” wanted to conquer the entire universe: the entire Earth’s Cosmos. The gray globular Mushroom Beings had focused their attack on Africa; while the Emerald-turqoise slime creatures invaded North America.
Meanwhile, free from any concern over these vast mysterious epic cosmic struggles, a gorgeous young Nigerian woman named Mango had left her thatched hut and gone strolling at dusk through the jungle in a bright canary-yellow dress; in her imagination she pretended to be the Goddess Oshun; thus ala Oshun — enjoying all the exquisiteness of her divine beauty; she headed toward the River Oshun for a refreshing early-evening dip, as well as to play tag with hippos and crocodiles. Each night, Mango arrived at her favorite sandstone slab promontory and jumped in splashing, frolicking, as well as riding on the back of her favorite “pet” hippopotamus “Chubby.” After her extensive swimming with Chubby, as well as her vigilant fending-off of several frisky crocodiles, exhaustion overtook her. Soon, after dressing in her bright canary-yellow dress, she collapsed upon the sandstone promontory to sleep. As she slept on the flat smooth sandstone slabs that touched the shoreline forming a jetty along the banks of the River Oshun, Mango dreamed that she was Oshun, as she slept (deeply and soundly) unaware of the gushing ripples of babbling water, dripping and undulating all around her — soaking her dress.
And so, asleep on silky ochre-colored rocks lay a beautiful young woman named Mango pretending to be the goddess Oshun; unaware that behind her were two gray globular Mushroom Beings, with a green fungus coating growing on their dull-skin, who knew intuitively that they wanted to capture Mango and take her onto their space-craft as a relic of human life to be treasured forever on their planet in a faraway galaxy —- another Kripkean parallel or un-parallel world filled with infinite possibilities and variations. Mango’s family had warned her to be cautious, to have eyes on the back of her head, to be aware of her surroundings. . . . . . . . . . (TO BE CONTINUED BY YOU: THE READER) !!!
Meanwhile, back in Oakland, California, a blue-green alien-being took on the guise of a human being that worked in the freight section of the local HOME-DEPOT. But, his extraordinary manufactured scientific transformation to a humanoid entity had not gone 100% well; the face did not look sufficiently human!! For that reason, the turquoise-emerald big-eyed spaceman was compelled to walk around the HOME DEPOT wearing a HOME DEPOT box on his/her (its) head, even when interacting with customers, trying desperately to be as human as possible. But, never actually 100% human, because the box remained on its head.
Both employees and “Bump-towners” shopping at HOME DEPOT read this in two ways: 1). the Bay Area’s countless Marxist union members loved the box-headed being, because they believed he was trying to be egalitarian, just, unprejudiced, unbiased, and free, because by wearing a box as his head; no one actually knew (for certain) “his”/”her” race, ethnicity, gender, religion, and other traits that provoke Bergsonian stereotypical reactions that lead to typical revulsion, bigotry, and polarization, which often marked human interactions, e.g., the way that any “run-of-the-mill” neighborhood watchman might unquestionably, for instance, perceive any teenager festooned in a hoody. Or, 2). H.D. shoppers read the box-headed being as a person completely absorbed in, committed to, and becoming their job, which was deemed extremely apropos for anyone trying to survive “The Great Recession!” Hence, both reasons, made it justifiable for the alien-being to remain hiding beneath the box 24 hours a day, seven days a week in the store —- thus, never going home from the HOME DEPOT! It all made crystalline sense to anyone looking at the box-man objectively. He belonged at HOME-DEPOT, because logically his box had the store’s logo on it. This 21st Century HOME DEPOT box-man recalls the famous UT human “Bag-headed Man” in Tampa, Florida. Long ago, in the 1960s, a true artistic genius of Performance Art, using only a brown grocery paperbag; had done this super smart-artsy action in fall 1969 at the University of Tampa, Tampa, Florida, as a brilliant manifestation of anti-racism as well as a protest against the War in Vietnam. It was working beautifully, wearing the brown paperbag day and night; day-in and day out, brilliantly making everyone think about their intolerance of other people, until sadly, at last, the heroic Bag headed man decided to enter a bank to withdraw money. Of course, the Dean of UT was called, leading to an “amateur psychological analysis” by the Dean, who just happened to have a degree in Psychology!! The Dean asked, “Young man, why are you wearing a bag on your head in all your classes?” “Why do you sleep with the bag-on; eat with it too? WHY?” Yet, this supreme act of genius remains misunderstood.
Meanwhile, back in 21st Century Oakland, luckily, the transformed alien creature wearing a box on his head at HOME DEPOT was in fact “secretly” an extraterrestrial, and therefore did not need to withdraw money from “any” bank in order to live, because he/she fed on plastic items that were abundant in the store. Hence, box-man was eating the profits. And, as a typical box headed extraterrestrial hiding in the HOME DEPOT, there was no need to leave the store ever. And, people being as they are, he/she (it) would never be found out as long as the box remained securely upon its head. But, the extraterrestrial donning human suits and human personalities did not merely hide at the HOME DEPOT, in fact, it was far more common, for several to disguise themselves as sheriffs, Texas Rangers, border guards, and often as female governors of border states, other became myriad politicians, who all maliciously conspired as the horrid inhuman nonhuman monsters that they were “secretly” down-deep to keep out the only defenders with skills to stop the ever-escalating Space Invasion, these were, of course, the brave bands migrant Chicanos, who, as mentioned above, were occasionally successful in beating back the extraterrestrial aliens (causing them to retreat back to their spaceships) using only rare and unconventional weapons (brooms, gardening-tools, baseball bats, fists, stick-ball sticks, nailguns, 38-specials, vacuum-cleaners, pool-sticks and clubs. Yet, as indicated above, it was so difficult for these courageous brown-skin-people to help defend the USA, because the space-attackers had sent an advanced guard of aliens to take on the guise of politicians in several Southwest legislatures and statehouses, easily using Bergsonian stereotyping to scapegoat Latinos, painting them in hues of “hatred,” “jealousy,” or “fear.” The extraterrestrials inhabiting the politicians wasted their constituent human tax-payers’ funds on miles-and-miles-and-miles of weird, meaningless, obtrusive and “wall-like” 15 foot high chainlink or steelrod fencing topped with barbwire, which sadly ran for miles-and-miles absurdly blocking the energetic, heroic, and brave brown people’s paths, as they valiantly tried to provide assistance, succor, and resistance against the determined swift-limbed, long-limbed green-aliens from a faraway galaxy —- other Kripkean parallel or un-parallel worlds. Thus, these traitor politicians who were secretly space-aliens betrayed the USA, allowing the extraterrestrial conquest of America.
But, luckily, the green slime monsters overrunning the USA, were involved in a serious eternal war against the gray globular Mushroom Beings, who were currently occupying Africa, as a staging area, for their EARTH battle against the typical green extraterrestrials. . . . . . . . . . . (TO BE CONTINUED BY YOU: THE READER) !!!
Art used in this piece